“Chauri apni jeans upar kar le, nahi toh swine flu ho jayega.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
What was that supposed to mean? How on earth can one associate ‘a viral disease’ with one’s jeans? And if one is to take a leaf from Hitler’s dictionary and believe that such impossibility becomes true, why would it be named as ‘Swine Flu’ and why not ‘Jeans Flu’ (a further sub classification could perhaps be Lee Flu, Wrangler Flu, Levis Flu and so on). Why is that sweet little plump animal being blamed for it?
I was left gawking and groping for a clarification. Then came the explanation that would have by all odds numbed the likes of Newton and Einstein.
“Abe tujhe pata nahi. Swine Flu se bachane ke liye High Jean chahiye hota hai.”
On the 4th floor of my building, I only had two options left after hearing this explanation. Either I throw myself out of the window or throw Garry out of it. Somehow I resisted the temptation and settled for a little less than that. Threw a furious look at him and left.....
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Now another incident that my roommate very proudly tells me about is equally disgusting. Thankfully I was not the guy who was the target this time. That was a very unwholesome moment for our dear Pandu who caught my Dear Roommate studying in the library or at least he thought him doing so. And like every other Indian exclaimed “Kya baat hai be padhai kar raha hai!!” And my roommate again like every other Indian replied “nahi be.” He added “Mai toh mere samne wale bench par jo ladaki baithi hai use dekh raha hu.” Our dear unlucky Pandu just tried to be smart and did a Sherlock Holmes by inquiring further “Abe lekin tune ye jo lines khiche hai books par vo kaha se aye?” And he instantaneously ran out of luck. The reply came “Abe wahi toh!! Ladaki ko dekh kar line mar raha hu.”
Poor Pandu!! And Poor Me!! And Poor those who are reading this blog!!
How do you react to these PJs or rather TJs (terrible jokes)? You bang your heads into a wall? You start pulling your hair? You start thumping and jumping on the bench? Or you simply act like you have heard nothing though your whole body shakes and you wish to kill someone?
Whatever you do but one thing that I am certain of is that you guys would not be feeling much different from what I felt when I encountered these TJs. Now what I felt then is something even recalling which gives me dizziness. With my swirling head I am writing what happened when I heard that Swine Flu PJ on that unfortunate day of my life:
- I was feeling like the world around me had just been smoked out like a shot of marijuana.
- The land beneath my feet had become four dimensional.
- I was rotating around the sun at a speed closer to that of light. And time had just slowed down following the relativity theory of Einstein.
- Since my mass was reaching the speed of light I was transforming into energy and the sound of people chattering around me was becoming distant and ultimately died.
Now if this much of astro-physics was not sufficient that my biology also came to the fore.
- My entire nervous system broke down for some moments like the website of NMIMS once the result of NMAT comes.
- My blood started pushing out of my veins like the water coming out of the manholes of Mumbai in the month of July.
- My cerebrum started springing and ricocheting from the skull.
Now if someone has any doubt as to which one is a deadlier PJ – the one I mentioned at the top of this post or the ones which I just bulleted, then let me make something absolutely clear to one and all - I was actually feeling that way.
P.S.: Did you know-
- How our dear Saurabh KapUr is different from Kareena KapOOr? Ans.- Unlike Kareena, Saurabh is not POOR.
- Why swine flu cannot spread much in India? Ans.- Because none of the Indian species of swine flew in the past. (Mind Flu=Flew in Hindi)
- How come an enemy under pressure is defeated more easily? Ans.- Because he has to shit. And he cannot do it before everyone hence he runs.
-Excerpts from ‘Simply Believe it or Not’ by Saurabh KapUr and Ashish Dhagat ‘Pandu’
