Underwater

All you need at times
Is put your feet under water
Let currents splash
On your ankles
And take away all
That is sore
From toe, from head
And all between them!

A Leap Beyond Your Fears

You can only take baby steps to reach the edge. The cuffs they tie around your ankles let you move only a few inches a time. In effect, a short distance of a few meters feels twice as much. But there is something bigger that acts upon you and multiplies that distance manifold – your fear. Each time you look down to see those cuffs, you can’t help but peek through the metal bars underneath. You know it is going to get scarier once you are at the end of the ledge.

Instructions start and you are having troubles catching everything. They tell you not to worry, but you do. They tell you not to be scared, but you are. They tell you not to look down, but you end up doing that anyway. Something inside tells you it is a bad idea. But something equally strong also says that you can’t go back from here, that you are as good as those before you and that if they could take the leap, why can’t you. It all boils down to you sizing yourself up against them – like you always have elsewhere too.

But you can only hold that thought for so long before another ominous one resurfaces – what if you are not as good, what if you fail where everyone else has not…. What if you are not what they think you are? You are almost ready to hit the panic button, when a voice pulls you out of your dilemma, “Your turn sir!” Well, from frying pan to fire!

You stand up, start to move and your mind is diverted off those thoughts. You are still afraid but because you get busy, you are less disquieted. Doesn’t that always happen!

Cometh the moment! There is 272 feet of thin air between your toes and the ground below and soon enough your heels will come off the brim too. Your breath gets heavy – your head light. The countdown begins one… two… three.

You don’t take two steps back - it’s not going to be a flight of your imagination but face off with your fears. You just let yourself free and lean forward as if resigning to a force that overwhelms you from head to toe. Yes, you start with surrendering and then fight your way out. As you ready yourself to lose before you can win, countdown begins one… two… three. And you jump!

You shut your eyes hoping this is going to make it easier – thinking you shall open it when it is all over. After all it barely lasts a minute. But time has slowed down or your brain is working at superhuman speed. When you open them, you are still speeding down. Gravity is acting on you – fast… faster…. almost as if it is going to gulp you down with all your ego and spit you out next to leave you trembling but also pure. Yeah, gravity is a bitch – it always has been!

As you open your eyes, you move from denial to acknowledging your demons to finally being able to face them. Now that you have lost it all, you realize there is nothing more to lose. The state of total surrender befalls you. And before you know it, the twitch in your eyes gives way to smile on your face. The faster you approach the ground, the sooner you want to embrace it – almost in a fit of derangement, almost as if you are on wings.

But before misery-turned-mirth turns into mishap and you are consumed by your own delirium, something pulls you up. You come out of your head trip with a jolt to your ankle and back to existence. After your mind, it is your body’s turn to oscillate itself to steadiness.

As you are lowered down to the ground, you can’t stop wondering what would have happened but for that rope. There is a big smile on your face – but you also feel a little thankful. You are excited for sure – but you also are a little relieved for getting this over with. You probably would even be planning for your next leap, but not because you think you’ve got wings – it’s because you know there is something that will bring you back from your trip. For more often than you think that one rope you have been blaming all along for not letting you fly is also the one that keeps you from hitting the ground.

***

This is an over-dramatized version of what one may feel up there. As such, bungee is not this scary. Neither doing it will cure all your fears. There are much bigger ones in life some of which are not as easy to overcome as this one – you just hope to learn to live with them. 

जो बरसे इस बार

जो बरसे इस बार, तो तर जाना

मुकद्दर से बेमौसम बरसात हुई है

बनता है तबीयत का सुधर जाना,

जो बरसे इस बार...

सिर से पाँव, रूह तलक भी भींग लो

वाजिब कई मर्तबा है बेपरवाही का हरजाना,

जो बरसे इस बार...

घुमड़ते बादलों से पूछना कूचा उनका

गर मान गए, संग अपने उनको भी घर लाना,

जो बरसे इस बार...

गिरते बूंदों की साज, परिंदों के नगमें सुनो

छोड़ कर बिजली के ठहाकों से डर जाना,

जो बरसे इस बार...

मुद्दत से बची एक प्यास है हलक में,

दिख गया जो दरिया, उतर जाना,

जो बरसे इस बार..

At the sky's end

At the end of the sky
There is one other world
For he who could fly
Afar, like a bird
On a dazed flight
With spirited wings,
Some leftover might,
And ethereal longings
Could behold the realm
Of fulfilled desires
Realized dreams
And extinguished fires!

गोलगप्पे, चीनीया बदाम और चाय की चुस्की

कथा आरम्भ करने से पहले तो आपको हम ये बता दें की ‘चीनीया बदाम’ किसे कहते हैं – ‘मूंगफली’ को| बिहार और पूर्वांचल - जोकि हमेशा से भारत की आर्थिक गरीबी के द्योतक रहे हैं – के इलाकों में मूंगफली को पौष्टिक बादाम का सस्ता विकल्प माना जाता है – और इसलिए ये नाम| तकनीकी तौर पे  ज्यादा गलत भी नहीं – दोनों ही प्रोटीन के अच्छे श्रोत हैं|

हमें मूंगफली बहुत पसंद है - और हमने बड़े ही विविध तरीकों से इसका सेवन करा है| मुंबई में कभी ट्रैफिक में फंसे हों तो ‘सींगदाने’ का एक cone सिग्नल पे खरीद लीजिये और फांकते रहिये| मुंबई की जग प्रसिद्द ट्रैफिक में ऑफिस से घर तक का सफ़र कम कष्टदायक लगने लगता है| या फिर दिल्ली में बियर के साथ ‘मसाला पीनट’ – आय हाय! अल्कोहल के तो हम ऐसे ही बहुत शौक़ीन नहीं लेकिन मूंगफली के साथ तो सही लगने लगता है| या फिर एकदम अमरिकी स्टाइल में पीनट बटर पावरोटी पे लगा के खाइए| हमारे यहाँ पीनट बटर के इतने डब्बे इकट्ठे हो गए हैं की हमारी maid ने मसालों के पुराने बेडौल और अलग थलग डब्बों को उनसे रिप्लेस कर दिया है|

लेकिन भाई साहेब, हम आपको बताते हैं कि मूंगफली खाने का असली मजा कैसे आता है| सर्द की कोई  शाम किसी कसबे में हो, अँधेरा हो चुका हो, लाइट चली गई हो, सड़क के किनारे उस ठेले पे ढिबरी की रोशनी लगी हो और कोई जनाब कढ़ाई में मूंगफली की पूरी फलियाँ बालू के साथ भूनते हुए मिल जाएँ| उनसे जाके सौ-पचास ग्राम छिल्के के साथ वाला ‘चीनीया बदाम’ खरीद लीजिये| वहीँ कहीं सड़क के किनारे विराजमान हो जाइये और तर्जनी एवं अंगूठे से मसल के फलियाँ तोड़िए| जो कर्रर्र की आवाज के साथ छिल्के टूटे और उनमें से सोंधी सी खुशबू के साथ वो दो चार ताजे ताजे दाने निकले तो समझ लीजिये आपका जीवन सफल हो गया| बचपन में टाटपट्टी पे बैठ के रामलीला देखते हुए ‘चीनिया बदाम’ खाने की याद बहुत ही प्यारी है हमें| मल्टीप्लेक्स की मखमली कुर्सी पे बैठ के पॉपकॉर्न खाते हुए शाहरुख़ की पिक्चर देखने में भी उतना मजा नहीं – खासकर शाहरुख़ की|

अब बात आती है गोलगप्पे की| भारत में एक ही खाने वाली चीज के इससे ज्यादे नाम कभी नहीं हुए हैं – गोलगप्पे, बताशे, पताशे, फुचका, फुलकी, पानीपूरी! लेकिन निस्संदेह सबसे क्यूट नाम तो ‘गोलगप्पा’ ही है| अब आप अगर हाईजीन वगैरह को लेके ज्यादे संवेदनशील हैं तो किसी अच्छे से रेस्टरेंट या होटेल में बैठ के भी ये जायकेदार चीज खायी जा सकती है| लेकिन हम आपको बताते हैं कि गोलगप्पे खाने का असली मजा कैसे आता है| उसी कसबे में, उसी अँधेरे बाजार में और एक वैसे ही ढिबरी की रोशनी में जगमगाते ठेले पे जाइए – ठेले के ऊपर लिखा हो ‘फलाना चाट भण्डार’| रेट पूछिये, और अगर वो भईया बोले की ‘इतने रुपये में एक प्लेट’ – फ़ौरन मुड़ जाइये और दूसरा ठेला ढूढ़िये और अगर किस्मत से वो बोलें ‘इतने रुपये में इतना’ तो प्रेम से बोलिए “खिलाओ यार और मिर्ची ज्यादे रखना|” अब अगर वो हाथ से आलू छोले के मिक्सचर को सानके गोलगप्पे बनाये, आपके प्लेट में परोसे और उसे चटखारे लगाके खाते हुए आपकी आँखों से आंसू टपकने लगे और आप तब भी बोलें “और खिलाओ, और खिलाओ”, तो समझ लीजिये आपका जीवन धन्य हो गया| बस इतना भी मत खा लीजियेगा की सुबह दिक्कत हो जाये| हें हें हें!

फिर आई बारी चाय की – मोदी जी की अतुल्य विनम्रता और सादगी का प्रतीक| आग, पहिये और मैगी के बाद मनुष्य की सबसे बड़ी खोज| चाय एक ऐसी चीज है जिसे दुनिया के हर कोने में हर भांति के लोग हरेक परिस्थिति में उपयोगी मानते हैं| दिन की शुरुआत तो चाय, थकान मिटानी हो तो चाय, दोस्तों से तफरी करनी हो तो चाय, मेहमान आ गए हों तो चाय, काम के वक्त चाय, आराम के वक्त चाय, अमीर की चाय, गरीब की चाय| हमें तो ये समझ नहीं आता की किसी राजनैतिक दल ने चाय को अपना चुनावी चिह्न अभी तक घोषित कैसे नहीं करा है! चाय से अधिक जन-प्रतिनिधिक, सर्वसम्बद्ध और धर्मंनिरपेक्ष चिह्न तो कुछ हो ही नहीं सकता|

खैर, आप कई प्रकार की चाय को कई तरीके से पी सकते हैं| सेवेन स्टार से लेके आलिशान कैफ़ेज में महंगे चीनी मिटटी वाले कप में सर्व करा जाता है चाय| लेकिन हम आपको बताते हैं कि चाय पीने का असली मजा कैसे आता है| उसी कसबे में, उसी अँधेरे बाजार में और लानटेन की रोशनी में चमकते एक गुमटी खोजिये, जहाँ दुकानदार एल्युमीनियम की केतली में केरोसीन के स्टोव पे चाय बना रहा हो| उसकी लकड़ी की मेज पे बैठिये और प्रेम से बोलिए “भईया, एक अदरक वाली चाय मिलेगी?” वो केतली को तीन फीट ऊपर उठाके कांच की ग्लास में मस्त धार के साथ गिराए – बीच में प्लास्टिक की छन्नी हो और भांप छोड़ते हुए आपका ग्लास भर जाये| फिर आप उस ग्लास को पकड़ के सुर्रर्र करते हुए चुश्की लगाइए – और हमें बताइए उस क्षण में दुनिया का कौन गम आपके आस पास ठहरता है|

अब एक ही दिन में अगर आपको ये तीनों एक साथ मिल जाएँ तो क्या बात! राजधानी की रेलम पेल वाली ज़िन्दगी से एक दिन के लिए निज़ात पानी हो, तो बस बस्ता उठाइए और चल दीजिये| ठण्ड के मौसम में जब रात का अँधेरा कुहरे का लिबास ओढ़े आपके सामने अंगड़ाईयाँ तोड़ रहा हो – आपके लिए इससे ज्यादे संतोषजनक और शान्तिपूर्ण अनुभव और कुछ नहीं हो सकता|

समय: शाम के ७:३० बजे, जगह: नीमराना - अलवर जिले का छोटा क़स्बा (दिल्ली से तकरीबन १५० किलोमीटर दूर)

Eurotrip Episode 1: Beer in a paper cup

As I sat on the steps around what perhaps is the busiest square in the country, I could not help but think that this was one big mistake – one big waste of time and money. All my fears were turning out to be real. Who was I kidding - solo travel was not my thing. And this was only day one. An entire fortnight to pass before I could fly back to my nest!!

Contrary to popular notion, the city of Amsterdam was anything but inviting till then. I had struggled to find my hostel and on more than one occasion was turned a deaf ear to by passersby while asking for directions. I had nothing planned for the day – in fact I had nothing planned for the entire trip except where I was going to stay – quite in contrast to what people generally associate me with. As I reached my hostel, my hope for socializing just then also vanished when I found out that most inmates preferred partying after dark and sleeping away to glory during daytime – at least my room did say so. Not my style! The day was fast progressing and I was getting a bit impatient too.

Forward two hours, I was at Dam Square – a place one could hardly define with anything less than ‘vibrant’. And yet there I was - forlorn, sitting on the sides and thinking to myself ‘how long?’ Wasn’t solo travel about finding new friends, hanging out with the happening set and doing whatever you want to – whatever you could not have done earlier? I saw the crowd in front of me and all I could see was groups, couples and friends – all with happy faces – all but me.

Disappointed, I left the place, got plugged in and started walking aimlessly away from the crowd – trying to reassure myself futilely that I was going to admire the architecture and canals of the city and salvage the day – whatever was left of it. After I had wandered for about an hour, I thought of giving my legs some rest and halted on a bridge. I saw an elderly couple sitting on a bench facing the canal and asked for their permission before roosting next to them. It was a nice vantage point to observe the most watery city in the world and to calm down my unsettled nerves. It was time to give in and make peace with the fact that I was not going to have it my way.

I looked at the couple and tried to read them while they were beholding the city with a blank expression – or so it seemed to me. Their expression remained so for as long as I tried reading them – no matter how frequently I could peek or howsoever long I could stare at them. I was intrigued – either they were at peace or more panicked than I was. I decided to take my chance and strike up a conversation. It started with a meek ‘hello’ and was supposed to fill in during the small interlude I had taken before I could again ‘get busy’ admiring the architecture and the canals!

Forward two hours, there I was - away from the bustling Dam Square, away from the exciting performances and away from feeling alone in the crowd – hooked on to the story of a wonderful woman who used to fly as air stewardess on international routes years back. Her husband and she were from Cataluña – North Eastern Spain. She was struggling a little with her English while her husband could only understand it in bits. For two hours before and next one after that, I hardly felt that I was in an alien place or sitting with strangers. We talked about the history of Spain and Cataluña, we talked about old and young, we talked about money and lack of it and we talked about family – while I felt for a moment like I was with one. They told me their story and it was a story so full of colors - all sorts of them - love, passion, ambition, disappointment, frustration and perhaps hope!

Gone were my anxiety and fears. To thank the lovely couple for the great favor they had done to me, I offered to buy them drinks. It almost seems funny now that it was the only time I bought someone drinks - I did not buy for that cute Mexican girl or that interesting American woman (save those sniggers!) but I did for them. I wish I could have raised toast to their company and a great three hour I had spent on that bench, but sadly we were not allowed to take the fancy glass mugs out of the cafe and had to be content with paper cups. Yet, those swigs gulped down sitting on that bench would remain something special for me for a long time.

When I said goodbye to them and turned back to head for my city canal tour, I had a smile on my face, swag in my steps and song in my head (no kidding! Timberlake never before sounded better with 'Can't stop the feeling'!). You can blame me for being melodramatic, but heck it was magical and easily one of the best experiences I had in those fifteen days of an unforgettable trip. Yes, there were other amazing days as well and more on that in later posts, but this did set the stage and prepared me to make the most of next two weeks.

Now, I am no expert in telling you the technical stuff like the difference between a traveler and a tourist or give you tips to manage a Euro-trip on a shoestring budget. But I can tell you something that I learned from this experience and followed throughout to ensure each of my days was something I could remember for long – you see I am writing this post after about 3 months and still can recreate most of my time there in my head. Traveling solo is nothing like traveling in numbers – no matter who you include in those numbers.

From the time I set sails (actually took off), I had a very wrong notion of it. It is about making new friends, it is about doing hitherto undone and it is about having fun. Yet it is more. I am not sure but I strongly believe you have other means to make new friends as well – and that depends on the chances of finding like minded people. Traveling only gives you the chance to meet more people – though the hit ratio is only as good as finding new friends in any social congregation. It is just a number game. You can do the so-far-undone pretty much anywhere else too – it kind of depends on how badly you want to do it. And having fun – well you can have almost anywhere – and yes, I mean all the wild ideas you can conjure up after I said that.

I believe it is about exploring – not so much the place but yourself. World is a noisy place – so noisy that it becomes difficult to listen to your own voice at times. Doing the regular would only make you self-aware to a limit. If you want to know yourself further, do the not-yet-done or better still - go beyond, do the not-yet-thought-of. If you had asked me two years’ back if I would ever go solo to tour countries thousands of miles away, I would have laughed it off. It might not sound this big a deal to you, but for someone whose world was limited to within 30 mile radius of his home till entire school, it is!

P.S.: Some obvious questions answered in advance:

Q1: What took me so long to write this?

A: One, I wanted to make sure, that the impact I had was a lasting one and not a high or a hangover of the trip that would wane in days to come. Indeed it was. Two, I sought my inspiration from a bunch of travel enthusiasts whom I met recently – some of whom were so interested in my trip that I felt it would be worthwhile to invest some time in penning it down and make it readily available to the interested ones rather than keep repeating the same story over and over again and get bored of telling it one day.

Q2: What was their story?

A: Now I am not going to take the sheen off from their story by attempting to write it here - for more often than not how good a story is – is as much conditioned upon the audience and the context as it is on the storyteller. You have to be in that frame of mind as I was and in the exact same shoes as I wore that time to really celebrate that story – and my ask would be nothing less than celebrating it. So, sorry but no sorry!

कभी कभार

कभी कभार जो तुम खुद नहीं होते

तो भी अच्छे होते हो

आखिर खुद को जान लेना

सौ फीसदी

मुमकिन कहाँ है

हम अक्सर ही खुद का दायरा

खुद के खयालों से  

समेट लेते हैं

फिर उँगलियों

से छू के पाला

हो मुतमइन

इतराते हैं

और फिर कभी कभी

इत्तेफाकन

किसी रोज

एक पाँव लकीर के पार  

निकल आये जो  

अनजाने ही सही

खुद के बारे में

खुद की समझ

बदल जाती है 

कभी कभार जो तुम खुद नहीं होते

तो ही अच्छे होते हो|