You can only take baby steps to reach the edge. The cuffs
they tie around your ankles let you move only a few inches a time. In effect, a
short distance of a few meters feels twice as much. But there is something
bigger that acts upon you and multiplies that distance manifold – your fear.
Each time you look down to see those cuffs, you can’t help but peek through the
metal bars underneath. You know it is going to get scarier once you are at the
end of the ledge.
Instructions start and you are having troubles catching
everything. They tell you not to worry, but you do. They tell you not to be
scared, but you are. They tell you not to look down, but you end up doing that
anyway. Something inside tells you it is a bad idea. But something equally
strong also says that you can’t go back from here, that you are as good as
those before you and that if they could take the leap, why can’t you. It all
boils down to you sizing yourself up against them – like you always have
elsewhere too.
But you can only hold that thought for so long before
another ominous one resurfaces – what if you are not as good, what if you fail
where everyone else has not…. What if you are not what they think you are? You
are almost ready to hit the panic button, when a voice pulls you out of your
dilemma, “Your turn sir!” Well, from frying pan to fire!
You stand up, start to move and your mind is diverted off those
thoughts. You are still afraid but because you get busy, you are less disquieted.
Doesn’t that always happen!
Cometh the moment! There is 272 feet of thin air between
your toes and the ground below and soon enough your heels will come off the
brim too. Your breath gets heavy – your head light. The countdown begins one…
two… three.
You don’t take two steps back - it’s not going to be a flight
of your imagination but face off with your fears. You just let yourself free
and lean forward as if resigning to a force that overwhelms you from head to
toe. Yes, you start with surrendering and then fight your way out. As you ready
yourself to lose before you can win, countdown begins one… two… three. And you
jump!
You shut your eyes hoping this is going to make it easier –
thinking you shall open it when it is all over. After all it barely lasts a
minute. But time has slowed down or your brain is working at superhuman speed.
When you open them, you are still speeding down. Gravity is acting on you –
fast… faster…. almost as if it is going to gulp you down with all your ego and
spit you out next to leave you trembling but also pure. Yeah, gravity is a
bitch – it always has been!
As you open your eyes, you move from denial to acknowledging
your demons to finally being able to face them. Now that you have lost it all,
you realize there is nothing more to lose. The state of total surrender befalls
you. And before you know it, the twitch in your eyes gives way to smile on your
face. The faster you approach the ground, the sooner you want to embrace it –
almost in a fit of derangement, almost as if you are on wings.
But before misery-turned-mirth turns into mishap and you are
consumed by your own delirium, something pulls you up. You come out of your
head trip with a jolt to your ankle and back to existence. After your mind, it
is your body’s turn to oscillate itself to steadiness.
As you are lowered down to the ground, you can’t stop
wondering what would have happened but for that rope. There is a big smile on
your face – but you also feel a little thankful. You are excited for sure – but
you also are a little relieved for getting this over with. You probably would
even be planning for your next leap, but not because you think you’ve got wings
– it’s because you know there is something that will bring you back from your
trip. For more often than you think that one rope you have been blaming all
along for not letting you fly is also the one that keeps you from hitting the
ground.
***
This is an
over-dramatized version of what one may feel up there. As such, bungee is not
this scary. Neither doing it will cure all your fears. There are much bigger ones
in life some of which are not as easy to overcome as this one – you just hope
to learn to live with them.
